dementia Archives - Better Health While Aging

Q&A: What to do if your aging parent becomes rude & resistant

Q: My loving, Jewish mother is 92 and has turned into a rude, abusive foul-mouthed woman who I no longer recognize.

She’s in relatively good health and amazingly lives in the same house I grew up in. She has an aide during the day. She won’t leave the house,treats the aide poorly and last weekend cursed out my very patient spouse. We’ve been getting 5 calls a day such as ” I”m having a heart attack; no one will tell me whether recycling comes today”!

I know she has early signs of dementia. Her cardiologist tells me not to take it to heart and this is not the same women who raised me. She won’t go to the JCC adult programs, complains about being lonely at night, yet hangs up on me when I tell her we can get an aide at night or sell the home and let her live in a facility with women her age, etc. She threatens to call the Police if someone comes to her home at night. I have a POA but don’t want to rob her of her independence at 92. I try to tell her to speak nicely to the aides, myself, my spouse, but she says ” I don’t remember or I must have reacted to something someone did or said.”

I feel guilty as I’m not spending as much time with her as I would like, but it’s a matter of survival. Jewish guilt is thrown about with impunity and I can’t tell whether she’s being manipulative and obsessing over bullshit ( “oh my God the outside light may burn out tonight” ) or she really can’t control herself. Her aide is a lovely human being but my mom orders her around like a slave. Who is this woman? I’m torn, anguishing over what to do and am doing nothing but try to correct her inappropriate behavior and language. I wanted to take her to a geriatric psychiatrist but she refused to go. Medication to calm her down is dangerous per the MD as she could fall, etc.

What should I do? I’m at my wits end.

Dr. K’s answer:

Wow, difficult situation but unfortunately not uncommon.

You say your mother has early signs of dementia, and it is true that “personality changes” can be due to an underlying dementia, such as fronto-temporal dementia or Alzheimer’s, especially if a family notices other changes in memory or thinking abilities.

But it doesn’t sound like your mother’s been clinically evaluated for dementia, and you don’t say whether this has been brought up with her primary care doctor.

How to Get Memory & Thinking (or Personality Changes) Evaluated

[Read more…]

Incompetence & Losing Capacity:
Answers to 8 FAQs

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 114 Comments

Have you ever been concerned about an older relative who seems to be making bad decisions?

Perhaps your elderly father insists he has no difficulties driving, even though he’s gotten into some fender benders and you find yourself a bit uncomfortable when you ride in the car with him.

Or you’ve worried about your aging aunt giving an alarming amount of money to people who call her on the phone.

Or maybe it’s your older spouse, who has started refusing to take his medication, claiming that it’s poisoned because the neighbor is out to get him.

These situations are certainly concerning, and they often prompt families to ask me if they should be worried about an older adult becoming “incompetent.”

In response, I usually answer that we need to do at least two things: [Read more…]

5 Types of Medication Used to Treat Difficult Dementia Behaviors

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 177 Comments

One of the greatest challenges, when it comes to Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias, is coping with difficult behaviors.

These are symptoms beyond the chronic memory/thinking problems that are the hallmark of dementia. They include problems like:

Delusions, paranoid behaviors, or irrational beliefs
Agitation (getting “amped up” or “revved up”) and/or aggressive behavior
Restless pacing or wandering
Disinhibited behaviors, which means saying or doing socially inappropriate things
Sleep disturbances

These are technically called “neuropsychiatric” symptoms, but regular people might refer to them as “acting crazy” symptoms. Or even “crazy-making” symptoms, as they do tend to drive family caregivers a bit nuts.

Because these behaviors are difficult and stressful for caregivers — and often for the person with dementia — people often ask if any medications can help.

The short answer is “Maybe.” [Read more…]

4 Medications FDA-Approved to Treat Alzheimer’s & Other Dementias:
How They Work & FAQs

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 61 Comments

If someone in your family has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or another dementia, chances are that they’ve been prescribed one of the “memory medications.”

But were they told what to expect, and how to judge if the medication is worth continuing?

I’ve noticed that patients and families often aren’t told much about how well these medications generally work, and or how to determine if it’s likely to help in your situation.

So in this post, I’ll explain how the four medications in wide use work. I’ll also address some of the frequently asked questions that I hear from older adults and families.

If someone in your family is taking one of these medications or considering them, this will help you better understand the medication and what questions you might want to ask the doctors. It’s especially important to understand the pros and cons if finances or medication costs are a concern.

Note: This article is about those drugs that have been studied and approved to treat the cognitive decline related to dementia. This is not the same as treating behavioral symptoms (technically called “neuropsychiatric” symptoms) related to dementia, such as paranoia, agitation, hallucinations, aggression, sleep disturbances, wandering, and so forth. There are no drugs FDA-approved to treat the behavioral problems of dementia. The off-label use of psychiatric medications, such as Seroquel, in dementia is covered here: 5 Types of Medication Used to Treat Difficult Dementia Behaviors.)

Worried about the safety of a loved one with memory loss? I explain how to address driving and other safety issues here: How to Help Your Parent with Memory Loss Be Safer (Even if They’re Resisting).

4 Medications FDA-Approved to Treat Dementia

FDA-approved medications to treat Alzheimer’s and related dementias basically fall into two categories: [Read more…]

How We Diagnose Dementia: The Practical Basics to Know

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 102 Comments

“Doctor, do you diagnose dementia? Because I need someone who can diagnose dementia.”

A man asked me this question recently. He explained that his 86 year-old father, who lived in the Bay Area, had recently been widowed. Since then the father had sold his long-time home rather quickly, and was hardly returning his son’s calls.

The son wanted to know if I could make a housecall. Specifically, he wanted to know if his father has dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease.

This is a reasonable concern to have, given the circumstances.

However, it’s not very likely that I — or any clinician — will be able to definitely diagnose dementia based a single in-person visit.

But I get this kind of request fairly frequently. So in this post I want to share what I often find myself explaining to families: the basics of clinical dementia diagnosis, what kind of information I’ll need to obtain, and how long the process can take.

Now, note that this post is not about the comprehensive approach used in multi-disciplinary memory clinics. Those clinics have extra time and staff, and are designed to provide an extra-detailed evaluation. This is especially useful for unusual cases, such as cognitive problems in people who are relatively young.

Instead, in this post I’ll be describing the pragmatic approach that I use in my clinical practice. It is adapted to real-world constraints, meaning it can be used in a primary care setting. (Although like many aspects of geriatrics, it’s challenging to fit this into a 15 minute visit.)

Does this older person have dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease? To understand how I go about answering the question, let’s start by reviewing the basics of what it means to have dementia.

5 Key Features of Dementia

A person having dementia means that all five of the following statements are true: [Read more…]

Dr. K’s answer:

How to Get Memory & Thinking (or Personality Changes) Evaluated

4 Medications FDA-Approved to Treat Dementia

5 Key Features of Dementia

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