Helping Older Parents Articles

Wondering whether you should worry? Having trouble getting parents to accept help? Overwhelmed by challenges and concerns?

This part of the site is especially for you! It includes our hand-picked articles, tips, & resources for people helping older parents.

COVID Vaccination for Aging Adults:
What to Know & Do

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 92 Comments

As everyone knows, the COVID-19 pandemic has caused a public health — and societal — crisis of epic proportions. The impact has been especially severe on older adults, who are more likely to be severely affected by COVID, and who represent a distressingly high proportion of the U.S.’s COVID deaths.

But, in an amazing feat of scientific achievement, COVID vaccines were developed in truly record time, and in 2021, a large-scale vaccination campaign has been rolled out in the U.S.

This doesn’t mean everything will be back to normal very soon. But vaccination is key to reducing the dangers of COVID, because to date, the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines have proven to be extremely effective in preventing hospitalizations and deaths due to COVID. They have also been shown to be safe.

Although it’s exciting that we benefit from the significant protection of COVID vaccines, these vaccines have also raised a lot of questions for people. This article summarizes what I think is most important for older adults and families to know about coronavirus vaccination.

In particular, I want to offer science-based information to help with common questions, such as “Which COVID vaccine is better for seniors?” or “Which COVID vaccine for a 90-year-old?”

I’ll also cover vaccine safety, and what we know so far about how effective these COVID vaccines are in older adults. And in Sept 2021, I am adding information related to the Delta variant and boosters.

Latest Updates:

Here is a video update from Sept 9, 2021:
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6 Causes of Paranoia in Aging & What to Do

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 88 Comments

Q: My mother is 80. She is very active (despite breaking her hip 2 years ago), she still attends water therapy 3 times a week at the YMCA, she drives to the base (which is 20 miles away) and pays her bills on time. She is a retired Psych nurse and has shown signs in the past of paranoia.

Lately, she has “heard” voices of her grandchildren in her home and called my sister. She also has difficulty with getting the right words to say out and has her sleep pattern out of whack and will call people at odd times of the night. With her independence comes the fact she won’t share any medical information because she thinks we are out to get her committed.

How can I test her/question her to find out the level of decline she may be in to make sure she is safe? — K

A: Great question. As you may know, it’s fairly common for aging parents to develop problems like the ones you are describing. Understandably, these problems are frustrating and worrying for adult children.

You are absolutely right to be concerned about your mom’s safety. I do have some ideas for how you can get started assessing her, which I share below.

But first I want to explain the most common causes of this type of behavior in older adults. That’s because one of the things you must do is help your mother and the doctors figure out why she’s developed these behavior changes and other symptoms.

A fair number of people don’t get around to the medical evaluation because they assume that these crazy behaviors are either normal aging (definitely false) or dementia such as Alzheimer’s (true about 40% of the time).

Furthermore, it’s often hard to get a resistant older parent medically evaluated.

Still, it’s worth persisting in this, because many causes of paranoia or other odd behavior in older people can be treated.

6 common causes of paranoid symptoms in aging adults

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Q&A: What to do if your aging parent becomes rude & resistant

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 101 Comments

Q: My loving, Jewish mother is 92 and has turned into a rude, abusive foul-mouthed woman who I no longer recognize.

She’s in relatively good health and amazingly lives in the same house I grew up in. She has an aide during the day. She won’t leave the house,treats the aide poorly and last weekend cursed out my very patient spouse. We’ve been getting 5 calls as day such as ” I”m having a heart attack; no one will tell me whether recycling comes today”!

I know she has early signs of dementia. Her cardiologist tells me not to take it to heart and this is not the same women who raised me. She won’t go to the JCC adult programs, complains about being lonely at night, yet hangs up on me when I tell her we can get an aide at night or sell the home and let her live in a facility with women her age, etc. She threatens to call the Police if someone comes to her home at night. I have a POA but don’t want to rob her of her independence at 92. I try to tell her to speak nicely to the aides, myself, my spouse, but she says ” I don’t remember or I must have reacted to something someone did or said.”

I feel guilty as I’m not spending as much time with her as I would like, but it’s a matter of survival. Jewish guilt is thrown about with impunity and I can’t tell whether she’s being manipulative and obsessing over bullshit ( “oh my God the outside light may burn out tonight” ) or she really can’t control herself. Her aide is a lovely human being but my mom orders her around like a slave. Who is this woman? I’m torn, anguishing over what to do and am doing nothing but try to correct her inappropriate behavior and language. I wanted to take her to a geriatric psychiatrist but she refused to go. Medication to calm her down is dangerous per the MD as she could fall, etc.

What should I do? I’m at my wits end.

Dr. K’s answer:

Wow, difficult situation but unfortunately not uncommon.

You say your mother has early signs of dementia, and it is true that “personality changes” can be due to an underlying dementia, such as fronto-temporal dementia or Alzheimer’s, especially if a family notices other changes in memory or thinking abilities.

But it doesn’t sound like your mother’s been clinically evaluated for dementia, and you don’t say whether this has been brought up with her primary care doctor.

How to Get Memory & Thinking (or Personality Changes) Evaluated

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Q&A: How to Prevent, Detect, & Treat Dehydration in Aging Adults

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 65 Comments

Q: How can we get my older mother to drink more water? She is susceptible to urinary tract infections and seems to be often dehydrated no matter what we do. We were also wondering if coffee and tea are okay, or should they be avoided to reduce dehydration?

A: Dehydration is indeed an important problem for older adults. It can be common even when it’s not hot outside.

Helping an older person increase her fluid intake, as you’re trying to do, is one of the best ways to reduce the risk of dehydration.

Now how to actually do this? Studies — and practical experience — suggest that the best approaches include: [Read more…]

4 Medications FDA-Approved to Treat Alzheimer’s & Other Dementias:
How They Work & FAQs

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 55 Comments

If someone in your family has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or another dementia, chances are that they’ve been prescribed one of the “memory medications.”

But were they told what to expect, and how to judge if the medication is worth continuing?

I’ve noticed that patients and families often aren’t told much about how well these medications generally work, and or how to determine if it’s likely to help in your situation.

So in this post, I’ll explain how the four medications in wide use work. I’ll also address some of the frequently asked questions that I hear from older adults and families.

If someone in your family is taking one of these medications or considering them, this will help you better understand the medication and what questions you might want to ask the doctors. It’s especially important to understand the pros and cons if finances or medication costs are a concern.

You may have also heard that on June 7, 2021, the FDA approved a new drug for the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease, Aduheml (aducanumab). The approval was controversial, as the FDA’s scientific advisory panel had recommended not approving. As this drug is new — and it’s unclear just how it will be used in clinical practice — I plan to update this article once I have a better “real-world” understanding of what older adults and families should know.

Note: This article is about those drugs that have been studied and approved to treat the cognitive decline related to dementia. This is not the same as treating behavioral symptoms (technically called “neuropsychiatric” symptoms) related to dementia, such as paranoia, agitation, hallucinations, aggression, sleep disturbances, wandering, and so forth. There are no drugs FDA-approved to treat the behavioral problems of dementia. The off-label use of psychiatric medications, such as Seroquel, in dementia is covered here: 5 Types of Medication Used to Treat Difficult Dementia Behaviors.)

Worried about the safety of a loved one with memory loss? I explain how to address driving and other safety issues here: How to Help Your Parent with Memory Loss Be Safer (Even if They’re Resisting).

4 Medications FDA-Approved to Treat Dementia

FDA-approved medications to treat Alzheimer’s and related dementias basically fall into two categories: [Read more…]