Aging health Archives - Better Health While Aging

Q&A: What to do if your aging parent becomes rude & resistant

Q: My loving, Jewish mother is 92 and has turned into a rude, abusive foul-mouthed woman who I no longer recognize.

She’s in relatively good health and amazingly lives in the same house I grew up in. She has an aide during the day. She won’t leave the house,treats the aide poorly and last weekend cursed out my very patient spouse. We’ve been getting 5 calls a day such as ” I”m having a heart attack; no one will tell me whether recycling comes today”!

I know she has early signs of dementia. Her cardiologist tells me not to take it to heart and this is not the same women who raised me. She won’t go to the JCC adult programs, complains about being lonely at night, yet hangs up on me when I tell her we can get an aide at night or sell the home and let her live in a facility with women her age, etc. She threatens to call the Police if someone comes to her home at night. I have a POA but don’t want to rob her of her independence at 92. I try to tell her to speak nicely to the aides, myself, my spouse, but she says ” I don’t remember or I must have reacted to something someone did or said.”

I feel guilty as I’m not spending as much time with her as I would like, but it’s a matter of survival. Jewish guilt is thrown about with impunity and I can’t tell whether she’s being manipulative and obsessing over bullshit ( “oh my God the outside light may burn out tonight” ) or she really can’t control herself. Her aide is a lovely human being but my mom orders her around like a slave. Who is this woman? I’m torn, anguishing over what to do and am doing nothing but try to correct her inappropriate behavior and language. I wanted to take her to a geriatric psychiatrist but she refused to go. Medication to calm her down is dangerous per the MD as she could fall, etc.

What should I do? I’m at my wits end.

Dr. K’s answer:

Wow, difficult situation but unfortunately not uncommon.

You say your mother has early signs of dementia, and it is true that “personality changes” can be due to an underlying dementia, such as fronto-temporal dementia or Alzheimer’s, especially if a family notices other changes in memory or thinking abilities.

But it doesn’t sound like your mother’s been clinically evaluated for dementia, and you don’t say whether this has been brought up with her primary care doctor.

How to Get Memory & Thinking (or Personality Changes) Evaluated

[Read more…]

Vitamin D: the Healthy Aging Dose
(Plus Answers to 7 FAQs)

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH

Confused by all the back and forth in the media about vitamin D?

Don’t be. There’s actually a pretty easy and straightforward approach that most older adults can take.

In this post, I’ll explain what I recommend to most of my older patients, and why.

I’ll also address the following frequently asked questions:

Which type of Vitamin D should I take?
Do I need to have my vitamin D blood level checked?
What should one’s vitamin D level be?
Will vitamin D really prevent falls or fractures?
Will vitamin D prevent dementia, cancer, and/or premature death?
I am outside a lot. Do I need a vitamin D supplement?
I heard that a higher level of vitamin D is better for you. How much is too much?

By the way, I maintain this post in part because a few years back, I was disappointed by the recent NY Times article “Why Are So Many People Popping Vitamin D?”

Among other things, that article should have had a different headline. The key problem the article described is that there are too many people being tested for vitamin D. The article did not make the case that too many people are taking vitamin D supplements.

In fact, vitamin D supplementation remains recommended by experts. And as I’ll explain below, there are good reasons to believe that vitamin D supplementation is especially useful for older adults. [Read more…]

Incompetence & Losing Capacity:
Answers to 8 FAQs

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 114 Comments

Have you ever been concerned about an older relative who seems to be making bad decisions?

Perhaps your elderly father insists he has no difficulties driving, even though he’s gotten into some fender benders and you find yourself a bit uncomfortable when you ride in the car with him.

Or you’ve worried about your aging aunt giving an alarming amount of money to people who call her on the phone.

Or maybe it’s your older spouse, who has started refusing to take his medication, claiming that it’s poisoned because the neighbor is out to get him.

These situations are certainly concerning, and they often prompt families to ask me if they should be worried about an older adult becoming “incompetent.”

In response, I usually answer that we need to do at least two things: [Read more…]

3 Ways to Prevent Injury From a Fall
(Plus 2 Ways That Don’t Work as Well as You’d Think)

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 15 Comments

$elderly person falling hip fracture$ Worried about falls in an older person?

You’re right to be concerned, especially if the older person has already experienced a fall. Research suggests that falling once doubles your chance of falling again.

And falls, as everyone knows, can cause life-changing injuries. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that:

One out of five falls causes a serious injury such as broken bones or a head injury
Each year at least 300,000 older people are hospitalized for hip fractures
More than 95% of hip fractures are caused by falling, usually by falling sideways
Falls are the most common cause of traumatic brain injuries

For these reasons and more, preventing falls is a major focus of preventive care for older adults, and is a big part of what we do in geriatrics. (Learn more about how we do this in this article: Why Older People Fall & How to Reduce Fall Risk.)

But if we want to protect older people from the potentially devastating consequences of falls, it’s not enough to help them reduce falls.

We also need to think about how we can reduce the likelihood of injury from a fall.

In this article, I’ll share with you three approaches that can help reduce fall-related injuries.

Then I’ll address two other approaches that are sometimes tried, but are less likely to help.

3 ways to prevent fractures and other injuries related to falls

[Read more…]

5 Types of Medication Used to Treat Difficult Dementia Behaviors

by Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH 177 Comments

One of the greatest challenges, when it comes to Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias, is coping with difficult behaviors.

These are symptoms beyond the chronic memory/thinking problems that are the hallmark of dementia. They include problems like:

Delusions, paranoid behaviors, or irrational beliefs
Agitation (getting “amped up” or “revved up”) and/or aggressive behavior
Restless pacing or wandering
Disinhibited behaviors, which means saying or doing socially inappropriate things
Sleep disturbances

These are technically called “neuropsychiatric” symptoms, but regular people might refer to them as “acting crazy” symptoms. Or even “crazy-making” symptoms, as they do tend to drive family caregivers a bit nuts.

Because these behaviors are difficult and stressful for caregivers — and often for the person with dementia — people often ask if any medications can help.

The short answer is “Maybe.” [Read more…]

Dr. K’s answer:

How to Get Memory & Thinking (or Personality Changes) Evaluated

3 ways to prevent fractures and other injuries related to falls

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