In This Episode:
Dr. K interviews Linda Fodrini-Johnson, MA MFT CMC, a past president of the National Association of Geriatric Care Managers and the founder of Eldercare Services in the San Francisco Bay Area. They discuss:
- How adult children can better approach aging parents, when there’s been concern about memory problems or financial transactions
- What is a geriatric care manager (also known as an aging life care professional), and how they help families address memory concerns
- How to find a geriatric care manager with the right counseling skills for your needs
- How to get free help and advice from geriatric care managers and trained aging professionals
- Why people often tell Linda they wish they’d gotten more help or information sooner
Related Episode:
002 – What to Do if You’re Worried About Someone’s Memory
Related Resources:
- Aging Life Care Association (formerly the National Association for Professional Geriatric Care Managers); click here to search for an expert near you.
- Eldercare Locator: use to find your local Area Agency on Aging, which can refer you to local resources
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What if your client doesn’t trust her regular doctor?
Usually, if a person tells me she doesn’t trust her regular doctor, I try to find out more about what’s behind this. Was there a previous missed diagnosis? Do they just not seem to click?
I also try to determine whether the person has expressed other suspicions or concerns about people. Some older adults become a bit defensive or paranoid as they develop thinking problems.
Basically, I would try to figure out what is driving the client’s concerns about her doctor. The goal is to figure out how much it reflects on the doctor versus the client’s mental condition.
You can also suggest seeing a different doctor for a second opinion, or a “fresh start.”
My mom who lives in a retirement facility believes someone is stealing her jewelry, medications, & nightgowns among other things. The staff has done sweeps & has found some items hidden in unusual spots. She just wants us to believe her but its hard to logically do so. How do we handle her as she truly believes these things are happening?
You didn’t mention if your mom is living with dementia, but this type of change in thinking is often part of that condition. Dr. Kernisan has an excellent article about delusions here which you might find helpful. Generally, a good approach includes not trying to logically reorient the person to reality, but validate their perception and acknowledge how difficult it is for them to have this experience. Then try to distract with a favourite activity or topic.
Hello, my mother is accusing my husband of getting into her house at night to terrorize her. The accusations are outrageous and I am worried about who she might tell this to. No amount of reasoning with her thst it may have been a dream or something else has happened, like a stroke will change her mind. It is very stressful for my siblings too. Our family doctor is referring her to a specialist but this may take time to happen. Any advice is very welcome thank you
This sounds like a frustrating and difficult situation for everyone and I’m sorry that you’re dealing with it. You didn’t mention if your mom has dementia or other health issues, but the kinds of accusations you describe can be caused by delusions, or false, fixed beliefs. Reasoning and logic are not likely to be effective in this scenario. as I explain in my video, here .
A specialist can be helpful in getting a diagnosis and management plan that may include medications or something else. In the meantime, I would advise someone in your situation to avoid arguing, and let your parent know that you hear her concerns and take them seriously. You don’t have to agree with her, but you can validate that she’s frightened and that you hope she feels safe again very soon.
You might also be interested in the Helping Older Parents Membership, which is an excellent resource for those caring for parents. There’s a free webinar happening soon.
My Mom recently had an incident where her computer a virus, after cleaning it and checking everything she still thinks people are in her laptop and in her phone, she’s now gone as far as to say they came into the house and can get to her tv and car to change settings just to mess with her. Her Dad and sister both have dementia and she’s turned 70 recently. I’m not sure where to begin the talk about her possible mental health issue, but friends of hers have told me they are concerned. Looking for some help here.
It sounds like you’re seeing changes in your mom that are concerning. The paranoid thoughts you describe can be related to a number of conditions including dementia, depression, a medication side effect or a number of other things.
You’re on the right track, thinking about how to open a discussion with your mom in a way that won’t alienate her and will move towards getting her some help. I would highly recommend Dr. Kernisan’s new book with Paula Spencer Scott, “When Your Aging Parent Needs Help: A Geriatrician’s Step-by-Step Guide to memory loss, Resistance, safety worries and more.” It has really practical advice about how to get started helping your older parent, including conversation prompts when your parent seems to be having difficulty and you aren’t sure how to bring it up. You can check it out, here: