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In This Episode:
Dr. K explains four things family caregivers should try, for better conversations with older parents who are resisting help. She covers:
- How cognitive problems often complicate family conversations
- The importance of hearing and validating an older person’s emotions
- How to discuss an older person’s goals, and why safety shouldn’t automatically be the top priority
- Ways to respond when an older parent voices “unrealistic” goals, such as never having help at home
- Why it’s important for family caregivers to identify their own fears and desires, when it comes to aging parents
Related episode:
022 – QA: Helping a Paranoid Older Parent and Checking Safety
Related Resources:
- 4 Things to Do When Your Parents Are Resisting Help
- 8 Behaviors to Take Note of If You Think Someone Might Have Alzheimer’s
- Being Mortal: Medicine & What Matters in the End
Vicky says
Thank you for posting Podcast number 28 I’m struggling with my mom Who has lived with me for almost 2 and a 1/2 years 85 years old cognitive issues are progressing no diagnosis yet. I felt like since she’s moved in it’s Destroying our relationship She’s had several falls several breaks since she’s smoked in here. She is a very difficult person and I am totally exhausted. I love your Podcast can you recommendOther podcasts for help with me deal with my stress I’m struggling to find one
Nicole Didyk, MD says
I’m so happy you found the podcast helpful!
Dr. K also has a podcast about falls, which you can listen to here: https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/podcast/bhwa/preventing-falls-which-medications-to-review/
I found this list of dementia-related podcasts: https://blog.feedspot.com/dementia_podcasts/. I haven’t listened to all of them, but the topics seem to be relevant to care partners of people living with dementia.
Another resource is Dr. K’s book: When Your Aging Parent Starts Needing Help: a geriatrician’s step-by-step guide to memory loss, resistance, safety worries, and more. The book is written mainly for those who are starting to care for older parents, but the approach of how to take stock, take aim and take action is applicable to all dementia stages.
Sharron says
Could you offer suggestions for Spouces who are younger than one another. I am 64 and my husband just turned 78 and has been repeatedly telling the same thing and forgets what he has been told or has done. Is often short temperd ,others are starting to notice . I talked to our PC and she didn’t offer much help.
Nicole Didyk, MD says
I’m sorry that your didn’t get much information from your primary care provider. The symptoms you’re describing sound like they could be related to short term memory loss.
This could be due to dementia or some other issue like depression, which you can read more about here: https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/depression-in-aging-diagnosis-and-treatment/.
I would consider talking to someone at the Alzheimer Association to find out more about the warning signs of dementia, to see if the picture fits. They may also be able to give you some coaching about how to talk to your PC again and get the help you need.