Q: My mother is 80. She is very active (despite breaking her hip 2 years ago), she still attends water therapy 3 times a week at the YMCA, she drives to the base (which is 20 miles away) and pays her bills on time. She is a retired Psych nurse and has shown signs in the past of paranoia.Â
Lately, she has “heard” voices of her grandchildren in her home and called my sister. She also has difficulty with getting the right words to say out and has her sleep pattern out of whack and will call people at odd times of the night. With her independence comes the fact she won’t share any medical information because she thinks we are out to get her committed. Â
How can I test her/question her to find out the level of decline she may be in to make sure she is safe? — K
A: Great question. As you may know, it’s fairly common for aging adults to develop problems like the ones you are describing. Some older adults will also start leveling a lot of false accusations. Understandably, these problems are frustrating and worrying for adult children.
You are absolutely right to be concerned about your mom’s safety. I do have some ideas for how you can get started assessing her, which I share below.
But first I want to explain the most common causes of this type of behavior in older adults. That’s because one of the things you must do is help your mother and the doctors figure out why she’s developed these behavior changes and other symptoms.
A fair number of people don’t get around to the medical evaluation because they assume that these crazy behaviors are either normal aging (definitely false) or dementia such as Alzheimer’s (true about 40% of the time).
Furthermore, it’s often hard to get a resistant older parent medically evaluated.
Still, it’s worth persisting in this, because many causes of paranoia or other odd behavior in older people can be treated.
Paranoid symptoms (e.g. believing that someone is out to get you, or is taking your stuff, or is in the house at night) falls into a category of mental symptoms that is technically called “psychosis.”
Symptoms of psychosis can include:
- Delusions, which means believing things that aren’t true or real (which can include false accusations)
- Hallucinations, which means seeing or hearing things that aren’t there.
- Disorganized thoughts or speech, meaning saying or thinking things that seem illogical or bizarre to others.
Psychosis is uncommon in younger people but becomes much more common as people get older. That’s because any of these symptoms can emerge when people’s brains aren’t working properly for some reason.
A 2015 review article on “late-life psychosis” estimates that 23% of people will develop symptoms of psychosis in late life.
I like this review article because the authors organize the causes of late-life psychosis into six “Ds”:
- Delirium (10 %).
- This is a very common condition of “worse-than-usual” mental function, often brought on by the stress of severe illness, surgery, or hospitalization. See 10 Things to Know About Delirium for more.
- Drugs, alcohol, and other toxins (11%)
- Medication side-effects can cause delusions, hallucinations, or other forms of psychosis. Pay special attention to medications known to affect memory and thinking. Abuse of — or withdrawal from — alcohol or other substances can also cause psychosis symptoms.
- Disease (10%)
- Many physical health problems can interfere with brain function. These include electrolyte problems such as abnormal levels of sodium, potassium, calcium, or magnesium in the blood, low levels of vitamin B12 or folate, thyroid problems, severe liver or kidney dysfunction, infections, and neurological diseases. Brain damage from minor strokes can also cause psychosis symptoms.
- Urinary tract infections can cause psychosis, but in my experience, they are almost never the cause of paranoia or other symptoms that have been going on for weeks, months, or longer. (A positive urine culture in an older person who has been having psychosis symptoms for a while probably reflects a colonized bladder.)
- Depression (33%) and other “mood disorders,” including bipolar disease (5%)
- About 15% of people with major depression may experience psychotic symptoms. Delusions of guilt or deserved punishment are especially common.
- Dementia (40%), including Alzheimer’s disease, Lewy-Body dementia, and others
- Delusions are extremely common in dementia, especially delusions of theft, spousal infidelity, abandonment, and persecution. Hallucinations (especially visual hallucinations) are also common, especially in Lewy-Body dementia. For more on how dementia is diagnosed, see How We Diagnose Dementia: The Practical Basics to Know.
- Delusional disorder (2%) and schizophrenia-spectrum disorders (1%)
- These two conditions have many symptoms that overlap with those of dementia, delirium, or other conditions affecting thinking. Doctors must exclude these more common conditions before diagnosing a person with schizophrenia or delusional disorder. Schizophrenia affects an estimated 0.1-0.5% of people over age 65. Many were diagnosed earlier in life but some people can develop the condition later in life. Delusional disorder affects an estimated 0.03% of older adults.
The authors of this review article also note that it’s common for older adults to have vision and hearing problems, both of which can trigger or worsen delusions and hallucinations.
So as you can see, when older adults experience delusions, hallucinations, and paranoid thoughts, there is almost always something more going on with their health. Figuring out what is beneath the “crazy” or “irrational” or “paranoid” behavior is key.
Hence, I recommend you keep these six causes of paranoid symptoms in mind, as you try to find out more about how your mom has been doing.
I also recommend you check for other signs of problems with thinking or memory; you can learn about 21 signs I recommend checking for in the video below.
How to check on “levels of decline” and safety
It’s great for you to be proactive and want to help check on your mother safety and situation. Ultimately you’ll need to work with professionals, but you can speed the process along by checking for common red flags, and bringing them to the attention of your mother’s doctor.
As a geriatrician, I generally try to assess an older person in the following five domains:
- Ability to manage key life tasks
- These include the ability to manage Activities of Daily Living (key tasks we usually learn as young children, such as walking, dressing, feeding ourselves, and toileting) and also Instrumental Activities of Daily Living (key tasks we learn as teenagers, such as managing finances, transportation, meal preparation, home maintenance, etc).
- Safety red flags
- This includes signs of financial vulnerability or exploitation, risky driving, leaving the stove on, wandering, or signs of elder abuse.
- Physical health red flags
- These include weight loss, declines in strength or physical abilities, falls, frequent ER visits, and complaints of pain.
- Mood and brain health red flags
- These include common signs of depression (especially sadness and/or loss of interest in activities), signs of loneliness or isolation, new or excessive worrying, as well as other signs of memory and thinking problems
- Medication management red flags
- These include signs of difficulty taking prescriptions as directed, checking on possible medication side-effects, and identifying medications that are on the Beer’s list of medications that older people should avoid or use with caution.
Because concerned family members often ask me about checking on an older parent, I’ve written a book, “When Your Aging Parent Needs Help,” that walks families through how to do this; it includes checklists based on the five sections above.
You can use the book and checklists to spot these red flags that often represent serious safety or health problems.
Now, no book is going to enable you to diagnose your parent. And no book can guarantee that you’ve identified and addressed the most important safety issues. You’ll need to work in person with professionals to do that.
But by being methodical in observing your mom and in documenting your observations, you will make it much easier for professionals to figure out why your mother has developed these behaviors you are concerned about.
Also, by identifying specific red flags or problem areas, you’ll be better equipped to work with your mom and other family members on addressing safety concerns. That’s because it’s much more effective to focus on issues that are specific and concrete (“I noticed that you seem to be having trouble with your grocery shopping”), rather than simply telling an aging parent that you are worried about their safety.
Tips on following up on safety issues and memory problems
Once you’ve identified safety issues and signs of underlying health problems, you’ll want to follow up. You’ll need health professionals to help evaluate and manage any underlying health problems, and you may find you need help from other types of experts as well.
If your older parent is paranoid and resisting your involvement, this often becomes a stuck spot for families.
How to get unstuck depends on the situation. Here are some ideas that often help:
- Relay your concerns to your parent’s doctor. The doctor needs to know about the symptoms and problems. The doctor may also be able to persuade your older parent to accept some help, or even the presence of another family member during medical visits.
- Patient privacy laws (e.g. HIPAA) do not prevent families from providing information to a person’s doctor over that person’s objections.
- The doctor will probably not disclose health information to you but may do so under certain circumstances. That’s because when a patient is “incapacitated”, doctors are allowed to disclose relevant health information to family members, if they feel it’s in the best interest of the patient. For more on when health providers may disclose information to family members, see 10 Things to Know About HIPAA & Access to a Relative’s Health Information.
- If you send your concerns in writing, they will probably be scanned into the medical record.
- Also ask if any social work services are available through your parent’s health provider.
- Contact organizations that support older adults and families, for assistance and for referrals. Some good ones to try include:
- Your local Area Agency on Aging; find it using the locator here.
- Family Caregiver Alliance. The navigator showing state-by-state services is especially nice.
- Local non-profits serving seniors and families. Try using Google to find these.
- Get help from a geriatric care manager (now known as aging life care professionals) or other “senior problems” expert. This usually requires paying out-of-pocket, but can enable more hands-on assistance than is usually available through social workers and non-profits.
- The ideal person will be good at difficult conversations with older adults, will be able to help you communicate with doctors if necessary, and will know what local resources are available to address any safety or living issues you detect.
- Get advice from other adult children who have faced similar situations. You can find caregiving forums and message boards online, where people share ideas on getting through these challenges.
- There’s an active forum of people caring for older relatives at AgingCare.com. You can find a lot of ideas and support there. However, most such forums have minimal moderation from professionals, so you should double-check on any medical, legal, or financial advice you get.
- Daughterhood.org is a website and community for people helping older parents. Look to see if they have a local “Circle” near you.
- Consider contacting Adult Protective Services if you think this might qualify as self-neglect. Self-neglect means an older person is living in a way that puts his or her health, safety, or well-being at risk. It’s not uncommon for older adults with memory or thinking problems to self-neglect.
- This is considered a form of elder abuse and can be reported to Adult Protective Services (APS).
- For a good overview of self-neglect and how APS can get involved, see here.
- In most states, health providers and certain other professionals are “mandated reporters” for elder abuse and self-neglect, which means they are supposed to report any such suspected cases to APS.
When it comes to contacting the doctor and hiring an expert to help, it’s best if you can get your mom’s agreement before proceeding. (Or at least, not have her explicitly forbid you from doing these things). Here are some tips to help with your conversations:
Use “I” statements as much as possible. “I’ve noticed you’ve been calling people during the night. I’ve noticed you sometimes have difficulty with your words. I’m concerned and I’ve heard it’s important to have such symptoms evaluated by a doctor, because they can be due to treatable medical problems.”- Frame any suggestions you make as a way to help your mother achieve her goals. For most older adults, these include living at home for as long as possible, maintaining good brain function and physical function, and otherwise remaining as independent as possible.
- Avoid relying on logic. Logic never works well when it comes to emotionally-charged subjects. And it especially doesn’t work if people are experiencing any difficulties with memory or thinking. So don’t expect your mom to be logical and don’t rely on logical arguments to convince her.
For more on approaching a parent who is resistant to help, I explain how to do this in my free online training for families:
Now, if you find it causes your mother intense anxiety or agitation to discuss your concerns and your suggestions for helping her, it may be reasonable to just proceed. After all, you do have reasons to believe that some kind of health issue is affecting her thinking.
So especially if you’ve identified any safety problems, it’s reasonable to move ahead despite her preference that you not intervene.
In closing, I’ll reiterate that this is a very tough situation to navigate, and it usually takes time and persistence for families to make headway. Do try to take care of yourself as you work through this. Connecting with others facing similar challenges is a great way to get support and practical ideas on what to do next.
Good luck!
This article was first published in 2016; it was reviewed & minor updates were made in September 2023.
Mae Ella Jones says
Thank you for your article.
My husband is 80 years old. He has A fib, diabetes, HTN, and he has become increasingly isolated and often reverts to accusing others for issues that happened more than 40 years ago. After 52 years of marriage, he no longer trusts me, and has no affection for me.
He than settles down until another episode.
Could this be a mental issue?
Thank you,
Mae
Nicole Didyk, MD says
Hello Mae, and I’m sorry that you’re having these difficulties.
It very well may be a “mental” or brain-related issue that’s causing the change in behavior you describe. When you mention that there are periods of settling in between episodes, it reminds me of the pattern we see in delirium. Delirium symptoms fluctuate: they get better for a while, then worse again. Here’s an article about delirium that might help: 10 Things to Know About Delirium
If this is a drastic change from how your husband usually behaves, it’s worth getting an opinion from a medical professional about next steps to rule out delirium, depression, dementia, or some other underlying condition.
julie says
Thanks so much for all your information regarding old age. I am a 92 year old woman in good health, and active looking after myself. I have a wonderful daughter who checks on me every day, this way I do not feel lonely living by myself. I am taking your views in, so hope I will know when I reach some of the problems that you refer to. Thanks again for all your excellent views, and advice.
Nicole Didyk, MD says
Hello Julie and thank you for your kind feedback!
I’m so happy to hear that your daughter is involved in your life in a supportive way. She may be interested in the website as well, or in Dr. K’s Helping Older Parents course.
More info about the HOP course is available here: Dr. Kernisan’s Helping Older Parents Membership Program
Christina says
My 80-year-old mother had cataract surgery on both eyes in January. Shortly thereafter, she developed panic and anxiety. She started medication for anxiety but may have been spitting out the pills in the last few weeks. She has been hospitalized in the last week with major paranoia (thinking her tenants are spying on her, that there are people watching her through the window, telling us about scary religious-themed dreams she’s had and urging us to believe he ). She is performing ritualistic behaviors (constant cleaning of her hands) and displaying erratic behavior (getting up in the middle of the night yelling for help, or trying to flush her socks down the toilet because they are dirty). She doesn’t trust any of the doctors and hides her face when they approach, refuses to talk. CT scan appears normal for her age. They are trying antipsychotics (Seroquel) and Ativan to calm her down but nothing is changing and the doctors are stumped. The decline has been so swift, I am at a complete loss. Our entire family is gutted and at a loss.
Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH says
So sorry that you are going through this. I hope you have been able to find a good doctor to evaluate her…ideally a geriatric psychiatrist, but if not available, hopefully a geriatrician. Good luck!
Lisa Shaw says
Wow! What an incredible article! I have learned so much from this! Thanks for all of the helpful information.
My siblings and I have been trying to provide support to my increasingly paranoid mother lately who will be 70 in August. She has always been a caregiver for others, is active, independent and takes care of everything for her household and various other family members. Recently she has been complaining of various sounds of animals or people trespassing in her house at night and hiding in the house. It started as concerns about homeless people trespassing and squatting in her house coming in through the window, which actually seemed somewhat plausible, so we spent a lot of time boarding up windows and putting up motion detecting cameras all around the house. Things seemed ok for a few weeks and now she’s hearing animals in the house. She and my dad have put up animal traps and they have caught nothing. My dad has said that he hears and has heard absolutely nothing of what she has been describing at all. He is a bit hard of hearing, but it does make me wonder if any of these potential root causes mentioned of paranoia might be true. She hasn’t gone to get a doctor check up in years, so who knows if there is an underlying medical issue happening. Additionally, psychosis does run in the family, so there is a predisposition. She has also been seemingly more stressed about things lately. It’s really hard to know exactly where to go from here, but your description has given me some ideas. Any other thoughts you might have would be welcome. I’m also interested in finding a support group specifically for aging parents and various issues that might emerge. Any thoughts on where I might find this kind of a group.
Thanks so much in advance!
Leslie Kernisan, MD MPH says
Sorry to hear of your mother’s symptoms. I agree they are concerning and I would recommend you keep trying to find a way to get her evaluated. I offer lots of suggestions on how to do this in my book, “When Your Aging Parent Needs Help.”
Regarding a support group for aging parents: you can try calling your local Area Agency on Aging, to find out what’s available near you. I also run an online program called the Helping Older Parents Membership; it’s not currently open to the public, but if you sign up for my email list, you will be notified next time it opens. (We have many people in situations similar to yours!)
Good luck!
L westbrooks says
My 93 yo mother has developed what I believe you are calling psychosis. She thinks that the Hispanic family next door is using lasers to spy on her and unlock her doors at night and control her electrical appliances because they want her to move out. She thinks they have turned the whole neighborhood against her. She lives alone and will shortly be having a heart valve replacement. She is allergic to contrast and prednisone so they had to give her alternatives which included benadryl. 50 MG of benadryl. The min they gave her the benadryl she started hallucinating. That was a month ago. Can the benadryl cause the psychosis and stay around this long. This is very worrying.
Nicole Didyk, MD says
It would be unusual for a single dose of Benadryl (diphenhydramine), but it could happen.
I would suggest getting your mom seen by a medical professional to rule out delirium or other causes of these symptoms. Here are a couple of other articles that might be helpful: Delirium, and Paranoia.
Medication might be helpful for the symptoms if they’re very disturbing and disruptive, but we use anti-psychotic medications very cautiously in older adults.
Anonymous says
My 59 year old father has been experiencing what seems like psychotic depression for almost 6 years. He believes that people are following him, tracking him, and spying on him with cameras. He also believes these people are threatening his life through his phone and television. He sees messages that seem to disappear when he tries to show us. Because of this, he has confined himself in our home for the past three years. He is not able to leave the house and work. He has covered his windows and stays in his dark room for the majority of the day. It has gotten worse over time and now has gotten to the point where he thinks that these people are coming any moment now to take his life. We have tried helping him, but no longer know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Nicole Didyk, MD says
You don’t mention if your father has a neurological or psychiatric diagnosis. Nonetheless, it sounds like you’re describing delusions, which are fixed, false beliefs that are very real to the person having them. Delusions can happen in a range of mental health issues like depression, schizophrenia, and are common in dementia. Some medications can contribute to delusions as well, so it is important to make sure there isn’t an issue with that, or another medical condition.
As for treatment, we often use antipsychotic medications, but only if the delusions are disturbing or disruptive, due to the potential side effects of this type of medication. You can read more about that here:https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/ags-beers-criteria-medications-older-adults-should-avoid-or-use-with-caution/
Reorienting a person with delusions to reality doesn’t usually work completely and can even backfire, so it may be easier to validate your father’s point of view and changing the topic. I made a short video about that: https://youtu.be/CA9EzGfS5jk
I would recommend looking for mental health resources in your area. There may be a mental health team that can visit your dad at home. It sounds like he needs to get a thorough evaluation so that a treatment plan can start.
Glenn says
My 64 year-old wife has cerebral ischemic small vessel disease which was diagnosed over 10 years ago. This has led to ever-increasing memory issues and depression. With her congnitive decline related to (I assume) vascular dementia, this is just something we’ve had to deal with, and the symptoms are being treated through the use of antidepressants and antipsychotics (Geodon).
Recently she has been experiencing things which aren’t true – essentially hallucinations related to people being mean to her (she had a really bad childhood) at church. Only recently was I able to show her that the things she thought were happening could not have physically taken place. This, of course, puts her whole sense of “reality” into question as she wonders what ELSE she’s been imagining that isn’t true.
I don’t know if she just had really vivid dreams which somehow translated into her “reality” or if they were actual daytime hallucinations. She sleeps well, no issues there.
Any thoughts on why something like this might happen, and on potential treatments? I’m trying to set up an appointment with a neurologist to maybe get some updated CAT scans, but meanwhile am casting around for any kind of help…
Thank you.
Nicole Didyk, MD says
It sounds like you’re describing delusions, which are fixed, false beliefs that are very real to the person having them. Delusions can happen in a range of mental health issues like depression, schizophrenia, and are common in dementia. Some medications can contribute to delusions as well, so it is important to make sure there isn’t an issue with that, or another medical condition.
As for treatment, we often use antipsychotic medications, but only if the delusions are disturbing or disruptive, due to the potential side effects of this type of medication. You can read more about that here:https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/ags-beers-criteria-medications-older-adults-should-avoid-or-use-with-caution/
Reorienting a person with delusions to reality doesn’t usually work completely and can even backfire, so it may be easier to validate your wife’s point of view and changing the topic. I made a short video about that: https://youtu.be/CA9EzGfS5jk