Worried about an older relative, but not quite sure what to do?
Common concerns I hear include:
- Are my parents safe living on their own?
- Could my mom be getting Alzheimer’s disease?
- How can I find help for my father who lives alone?
- I’m worried my mom might fall at home and get hurt.
- I’m worried that my dad isn’t taking good care of himself.
- Is it time to move to assisted living?
To help people turn their worries into a practical action plan, I’ve created a special new resource. You can download it here:
Helping Older Parents Quick Start Guide: Check Your Parents in 5 Key Areas
This guide is modeled on the mental checklists that I use when I first assess an older adult who lives at home.
Specifically, this is a quick version of how I initially check for the most common “don’t miss” health and safety red flags. It includes practical tips, such as who to ask for help, as well as a list of useful online resources.
If you’ve been concerned about an older adult who lives at home or in assisted-living, I hope you’ll take a look!
This is very helpful for taking care of old people specially our parents. This guide reminds us what to do care for their conditions.
This is very useful and helpful.
Donna Conte says
I have been unsuccessful in my attempts to contact my 86 year old insulin dependent mom. She has grandchildren, siblings and various concerned siblings and relatives. My sister and her two adult children are suspected of alienation attempts by blocking phone numbers, not giving my mother her mail. Taking away her independence as well as not providing adequate Air Conditioning, Heat and a working stove. This has been an ongoing concern for my mom over many years.
My sister has deceived my mom and with false claims, has been successful in taking possession of her finances, has coerced her to sign over 100% of her real estate and possessions. My mom is currently in the home (she and my dad built and farmed vineyards.) It has been paid with no mortgage for many years. My sister applied undue influence over my mom while she was grieving the impending loss and eventual death of her husband.
My uncle, my mom, and I began an investigation and filed complaints with Elder Services etc. My mother had a case worker. My mom pursued and was granted a Temporary R0.
Because my mom was prevented from appearing the hearing did not proceed. The Judge was clearly suspicious, frustrated and firm when he addressed his distrust in my sister’s version of the cause of my mom’s absence. He was clearly disrespected by my sister as he hit his gavel and interrupted her and reminding her “NOTHING IS OK ” when she flippantly said “everything is ok” to the Judge. Elder abuse is suspected. Mental, physical and financial abuse could be determined and physical abuse was threatened.
My .o. Retained an attorney in the past only to back out as the case accelerated. She told my uncle and I she was afraid to go thru with the case. She wanted her property restored to her but she would not sue her own daughter at this time. My sister and her 2 adult daughters have alienated and isolated my mom from all her outside contacts. My sister has taunted me and my family with statements such as “Mom will PROBABLY die of a diabetic coma when she starts misplacing insulin” and “if Mom dies I wont notify any of the family. She doesn’t want me to!”
Nicole Didyk, MD says
I’m so sorry for all the strife in your family.
It sounds like you’re doing the best you can to take legal action and reach out to your mom. Unfortunately, there’s nothing Dr. K or I can do to help in your specific case.
In my practice though, I have seen many older patients whose children are pitted against each other over medical and financial issues. When things escalate to the level of restraining orders and court hearings, there’s usually not much of a role for a medical doctor, and a judge will have the final say.
I’m so sorry for the situation and I hope it gets resolved safely and for the best of your mother.