Nicole Didyk, MD, Author at Better Health While Aging

(This article is part 2 of a special guest series by geriatrician Dr. Nicole Didyk, founder of the blog and YouTube channel The Wrinkle. Like me, Dr. Didyk has a particular interest in informing and empowering older adults and families. So I’ve been very glad to have her contributing to the site these past few months — you may have noticed she’s been helping me answer comments — and I’m thrilled to say she’ll be covering some topics that I haven’t yet had the time to address. Enjoy! — L. Kernisan)

Let me begin by sharing a true story:

One of the most unforgettable couples I ever worked with was Grace and David. Grace developed Alzheimer’s at the age of 63, and within 2 years of diagnosis, her symptoms were such that she moved into a long-term care home and used a wheelchair to get around.

She and David had been married for 42 years, had 4 kids, a dairy farm, and a warm and affectionate marriage. David continued to visit Grace 3 times a week, until her death (after a bout of pneumonia) at the age of 69, and in the last two years, his girlfriend, Linda, accompanied him almost every time.

I remember being so touched by the way that David and his new partner lovingly advocated for Grace when she needed it, with both stepping in to provide hands-on care when staff at the home were overwhelmed. There were some who judged David for so boldly “having an affair”, but most saw his involvement in a new relationship as a much-needed respite for him, and a way to expand the circle of love for Grace.

Have you ever met a couple like Grace and David? Keep their story in mind, as I share more about Sex and Caregiving, and Sex and the Changing Brain.

How does sex and intimacy change when one partner becomes a caregiver?

[Read more…]

(This article is a special guest post by geriatrician Dr. Nicole Didyk, founder of the blog and YouTube channel The Wrinkle. Like me, Dr. Didyk has a particular interest in informing and empowering older adults and families. So I’ve been very glad to have her contributing to the site these past few months — you may have noticed she’s been helping me answer comments — and I’m thrilled to say she’ll be covering some topics that I haven’t yet had the time to address. Enjoy! — L. Kernisan)

love in later life Quick! Think about older adults and sex. What comes to mind? George Burns cracking wise about sex after 90 being like trying to shoot pool with a rope? A sweet old couple holding hands in their rocking chairs? Nothing?

The truth is that what pops into people’s minds, when it comes to older adults and sexuality, is often negative. For instance, it’s common for older adults to be thought of as:

“Cute” in a chaste and childlike way,
Predatory and/or “lecherous”, as in the “cougar” or the “dirty old man”, or
Problematic (think sexual behavior when someone has dementia, or sex between nursing home residents).

This, of course, is largely due to pervasive ageism in society. Sexuality, sexual expression, and the urge for physical intimacy is actually an important part of every adult person’s life.

So it’s sad that it’s so common for it to be treated as “inappropriate” or otherwise discouraged in later life. But fortunately, we’re starting to see significant progress in combatting this aspect of ageism, too.

In my job as a consultant Geriatrician, I see older adults about a wide range of issues, including memory changes, falls, pain, depression, and medication adjustment. But what is often affected by all of those medical issues – yet rarely talked about — is sex. [Read more…]

Sex When Caregiving:
Navigating Your Changing Relationship (Even if There’s Dementia)

How does sex and intimacy change when one partner becomes a caregiver?

How Sex Changes With Aging (& What You Can Do About It)

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